


Call it Paranoia (The Nara are getting a little suspicious)

by hypernousnight



Series: The Unintentional Nara Revolution [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alcohol is not the best coping mechanism, Conspiracy Theories, Discussion of Canon Typical Violence, Drunkenness, Gen, I just like the Uchiha ok?, Questionable knowledge of Naruto, Sarutobi wtf are you doin, Sasuke needs a hug and a support system, Shikaku Why, The Akimichi and Yamanaka have to deal with this BS constantly, The Nara Clan is smarter than you, Uchiha Massacre, Use of alcohol as a coping mechanism, this was supposed to be funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 17:47:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15563145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypernousnight/pseuds/hypernousnight
Summary: The Nara were a little suspicious about how things were being handled in Konoha.First the...situation with the Uzumaki boy and the demon fox, along with all of the Uchiha Rumors that surrounded it.Next, the Hyūga Affair, and the, frankly, appalling "resolution" to the "incident".And finally, the Uchiha "Massacre", or, as the Nara clan titles it - The third's Third Strike (The third time the third tried to bullshit us, and failed).The Nara would gladly admit to being slightly more paranoid than most other clan shinobi - however a pattern is a pattern. And this pattern has to many shadows for even the Nara to appreciate.





	Call it Paranoia (The Nara are getting a little suspicious)

**Author's Note:**

> First - this is my first fanfic ever (written or published) so constructive criticism is appreciated.  
> Second - it has been more than a decade since I read or watched actual Naruto canon, so some of this may be inaccurate (I spent a lot of time on the Naruto wiki to try and make sure everything was accurate but I am human unfortunately).  
> Third - I do not own Naruto, the characters, or the events. A) I don't want to, and B) I would never resort to aliens to resolve the plot.
> 
> That being said, this is dedicated to Sh4d0wc4t, because this all their fault.

"Guys. Guys - listen. GUYS. Listen!" Shikaku should not be allowed to be drunk. Ever. He's not a mean drunk - or even an angry drunk. He's just...smart. Always. And he usually curbs the desire to inform everyone else about all the puzzle pieces he has floating around in his head because, like all the other Nara, he knows it comes across as condescending instead of informative. A curse, but generally a fairly light one to bear. Until he gets drunk. Because then he becomes _earnest_ about it. And while it's still condescending, it's hard to take it as anything other than the well-meaning ramblings of a drunk genius who just wants other people to see the full puzzle and not a handful of pieces.

Fortunately, both the Akimichi and Yamanaka clans are highly aware of the Nara clan's... _earnestness._ It's endearing, really, once you've spent several generations bonding with one another and basically being one giant, three branched family. Of course it also means that the Nara clan also has two sibling clans which want to throttle them even more often than anyone else, because shinobi have  _very few_ ways of coping with their, frankly, disturbing lives. Drinking, as it so happens, is one of the most socially acceptable ways of coping, and rarely ends in civilians - or genin honestly - getting freaked out. Usually. Mostly. At least fourteen percent of the time. Unfortunately, drunken,  _earnest_ , Nara's do not make for the best drinking buddies. Which leaves the Yamanaka and Akimichi clan's in a bind honestly.

"Guys, seriously. Seriously listen." Chōza and Inoichi share a look, followed by an eyeroll as their fellow jōnin continues to whine at them.

"Alright Shikaku, what would you like to share?"

"Yes, please, inform us."

Shikaku squints at them, "I do not appreciate the sarcasm. Like, at all." Another eyeroll, "Precisely. Anyway, I - well really we - the Nara are curious about what you guys have found out about the whole Uchiha thing."

Inoichi and Chōza stare at Shikaku in bewilderment. 

"What do you mean, 'what have we found out'? There isn't an investigation." 

"We have a witness - Sasuke told us what happened."

Shikaku looks at his two friends in wide-eyed confusion, "Please don't tell me you bought what the story the Hokage's telling? And really Chōza? Sasuke? A seven year old boy, who was and currently  **is** traumatized by what he saw? He has the full story? Really? That's what you're going with?"

"The Hokage said-"

"The Hokage has to deal with a village of trained assassins and spies. An entire clan being slaughtered? That's  _ **big news**_ and also  _ **very dangerous**_. He has to keep the peace as much as possible, inside and outside the village. The amazing Uchiha  prodigy, who made ANBU at eleven, going wild and killing his clan? A clan who happens to have lost a lot of it's standing, and was becoming more and more vilified by the day? One hell of a coincidence - not even considering the timing."  


"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Supposedly, Itachi took the entire clan out, alone, in one night."

"Yes, and given his level of ski-"

"Admittedly, if it were a small clan, it would be possible. Especially if you only had a handful of particularly powerful members."

"It wouldn't be that har-"

"But the Uchiha were fairly large. They had several powerful members, plus a bloodline skill. They excelled in fire jutsu, and a large portion of them were members of the Konoha Military Police."

"Well-"

"So we have Itachi, who is an apparent wildcard, which _no one predicted_ , slaughters - yes  ** _slaughters_** - his entire clan, even the non-shinobi members and the kids, and he spares his younger brother. All in one night. Now,  Sasuke may have come home late, but no seven year old comes home **that** late. So it couldn't have been past eleven at night. Regardless of  _that_ little tidbit,  the Konoha Military Police Force doesn't exactly  _close down_ for the night - even the civilian police force doesn't shut down completely at night. So. That leaves us with a few questions, right? First, h ow did Itachi manage to kill the entire clan at once? Did he use Shadow Clones? Did he have help? There was no way he did this as a spur of the moment thing - it takes planning to gather so many clan members together. And while I'll admit that Itachi was impressive, even for an ANBU operative, The facts don't support just - snapping and deciding, out of the blue, that his whole clan needed to be put down. Which brings me to question two: Motivation. Why would Itachi decide to kill his entire clan? It just...it doesn't make sense."

The air is still heavy, but _this_ at least Inoichi has a potential answer for, "People are saying he finally snapped because of the pressure. He was next in line for head of the Uchiha, and with the unrest, combined with his duties as an ANBU operative, may have just been to much." Inoichi isn't  _proud_ of his answer necessarily, but he can easily see the truth in the claim. Despite all of his talent and apparent ruthlessness, Itachi was a _child_ , with a lot of pressure on his shoulders. He's seen older, harder shinobi break from far less.

"Add in what happened with Shisui..." Chōza said with a wince; damn, that is a low blow. And a low blow among assassins? That's lower than the average civilian can comprehend  _bending_ , "And you have a ready-made explosive. If something pushed him just enough - he could have snapped."

Shikaku scoffs, "That's what you're going with? He just - snapped? You're talking about a kid who completed the Academy in a year, who, as a genin, had a mission to guard the Fire Daimyō, which went FUBAR, and awakened his sharingan. That got him into the chūnin exams at ten, and then he became ANBU two years before we usually even consider a candidate. We're talking a high-functioning deliberate individual, who  _exceeded expectations_ consistently. Yes, he may have felt pressured, but he was beyond competent. That's why he had so many advancements so quickly. I'll give you points for the unrest, it definitely makes the story _sound_ better, but it still isn't a logical conclusion. Itachi was the shining star of the Uchiha, and  you expect me to believe he slaughtered the whole clan in one night on a whim? Betraying both his clan and his village? Please."  


"Maybe not."  Chōza looks slightly guilty, but neither Shikaku nor Inoichi are particularly upset. The Akimichi may not have the reputation for ruthless perception of the Yamanaka, or the unfettered intelligence which the Nara are known for, but they're not slouches when it comes to mind games. They couldn't be, having to keep up with they're sibling clans. "It was rumored among the Uchiha that Itachi was responsible for Shishui's death. Supposedly, he awakened the m angekyō sharingan around the same time."

The utter blandness of Shikaku's face was insulting, honestly, "Yeah, that sounds made up." 

Chōza looks appalled and Inoichi's head is in his hands - really, what did they even expect trying to divert the argument with this. "Look, kekkei genkai are a grab-bag of terrifying, self-destructive, ego-boosting powers. That is never in question. But you want me to A) believe that Itachi beat Shisui and B) that the mangekyō is somehow activated when a sharingan user becomes a murderer? That would legitimately make  _any_ Uchiha-"

"It's not connected to being a murderer." Shikaku and Chōza blink bemusedly at Inoichi, who sighs. It's a sigh that every jōnin has - the exhaustion of being a weapon. "Supposedly -  _supposedly_ ," he repeats, cutting a sharp glance at Shikaku, whose mouth snaps shut, "The mangekyō sharingan forms when a sharingan wielder murders someone close to them."

Shikaku blinks a few times, and Chōza's face has crumpled. It's not widely known information - the fact that Inoichi knows about it involves an exceedingly convoluted set of circumstances.

"Then how the hell did Shisui gain it?" Of course Shikaku has to ruin the moment. Although...that's a very good question. All three clan heads contemplate the questions in silence, drinks ignored while they think over possibilities.

"He  **was** part of the Third War," comes  Chōza's tentative answer. It's honestly the only answer any of them can come up with, but...

"Then who the fuck did he kill?" No one came to mind as a potential victim when they thought it over; like most Uchiha, Shisui didn't have a whole lot of friends outside his genin team and his clan. Inoichi grabbed for more alcohol, barely appreciating the  _sake_ before he downed it, "and more importantly, didn't Shisui meet Itachi  _after_ he gained his m angekyō?"

This time Chōza is the one who blinks in stunned confusion, while Shikaku merely closes his eyes and rolls his head back like he's trying to pop the stress out of his neck, before contributing, "So let's put point B on the backburner for the moment, shall we? Can either of you answer point A?" He opens his eyes and gives his friends a challenging eyebrow quirk. Of course, both of them stare at him, minds rapidly trying to remember point A while putting point B on the backburner, all the while mentally yelling at the fuzzy feeling of alcohol making everything seem far less sensible. 

Shikaku, as patient and petty as he is, is also drunk, and therefore _earnest_ \- so he helps them out,  "Point A, a.k.a. you expect me to believe that Itachi beat Shisui and then killed him?" More blinking, though slower than before, which gives way to sudden wide-eyed realization. Shikaku smirked, because  _finally they got it_. "Shisui of the Body Flicker, Shisui with  mangekyō sharingan in each eye, Shisui who was another star of the Uchiha. Even with all his strength, with sharingan in both eyes, I doubt that Itachi would beat Shisui without being on the brink of death himself. So, point A remains - you expect me to believe that?"

The two other clan heads slowly nod, because they honestly can't find a flaw in the logic. Itachi may have been superior to most ninja, even many ANBU, but to expect him to beat Shisui, someone older, who watched Itachi grow into a jōnin ninja, who had mangekyō before Itachi was even  _in_ the Academy - that was questionable at  _best_. 

"So we can ignore Itachi snapping because of Shisui's death - although that does make it more likely that the pressure from the rest of the clan drove him closer to the edge." The problem with most clans was that they were so insular, and Uchiha were right up with the Hyūga in terms of isolated clans; and that mentality, turned against Itachi...it wouldn't be hard to imagine the kind of negative response Itachi could have had to such a reversal in the clan's attitude. It seemed like Inoichi and Chōza agreed, the darkening of their expressions on display. "Which also throws a wrench into point B, but really just brings us to the overarching point: what could Itachi's reason be for suddenly murdering his clan."

"Sasuke claims Itachi did it to see if he could - for power. That he left Sasuke because he was to weak to even bother with."

"That sounds...absolutely absurd! Really? Itachi, who loved his little brother - don't shake your head at me! Anyone with beating  _heart_ knows Itachi loves his brother - claims he decided to slaughter his clan for power?  _Itachi Uchiha_ ?!? Are we  _talking_ about the same person?!? Ignoring all of the work he's done  _for his village_ , ignoring how  _well he acted under pressure_ , and  _how talented he is_ , Itachi Uchiha  loves Sasuke. Which is probably the biggest red flag I've ever seen. Itachi would only put Sasuke in this position if he felt like he had no other options. This all sounds more like a poorly scripted drama, set on pushing Sasuke into a head-to-head with Itachi because Itachi feels  _remorse_ and  _guilt_ for what he has done, and thinks the only redemption is if his little brother - the current head of the clan since Itachi went missing - kills him. Which is just - so naive and young and  _sad_ guys!" Shikaku's plaintive look was just...upsetting. Partially because he was drunk, partially because he was just being so  _earnest_ , but mostly because he looked  _sad_ . Which is horrifying to see on any  jōnin , regardless of age or prowess - ninja are supposed to be hard-ass, stoic assassins. It's more than a lifestyle, it's a form of existence - and that's what made it so easy for every other shinobi to just...accept Itachi collapsing under the pressure. 

The two clan heads stare at Shikaku. "Well. When you put it like  _that_ it sounds ridiculous."

"That's because it **is** ridiculous!  Plus, it wouldn't make sense for Itachi to leave Sasuke alive when he killed non-shinobi members of the clan, and other pre-shinobi clan children!" Shikaku rolls his eyes at them. Seriously, Nara's should never get drunk. Ever. _Earnest_ just makes the condescending tone even more irritating - if easier to forgive. "That's what  _I_ am expected to believe?! That story has so many plot holes,  _civilians_ could find them.  _Civilians_ ," he stresses the word even harder than most shinobi do - which is impressive, because while opinion  _can_ vary about civilians, the general shinobi perception is roughly equivalent to a very intelligent pet dog. Cute, helpful, but ultimately stupid and in need of protection. Shikaku's  _earnest_ expression just made it worse, because he looked _disappointed_  with the sheer audacity. And really, now that it's been pointed out the them, Inoichi and Chōza were slowly moving towards incredulous anger as well. They were clan heads! They should be made aware of what was going on - not fed some tripe story. An entire clan has been reduced to  _two living members_ ; to placate them with a plausible story full of holes was outrageous!

"Oi, calm down! It won't do any good."

Chōza and Inoichi look at each other before glaring at the Nara leader. Who, as it so happened, seemed to be more interested in the sake than his friend's glares. "What do you mean it won't do any good? The other clan heads need to be made aware! If something else is going on, the whole village may be in danger!"

Shikaku shifts his gaze, looking up at the Yamanaka and Akimichi with very sober eyes, "Who, exactly would you tell? With what evidence? Who would believe such claims?" He said it pointedly, his eyes locking them in place. "The Hyūga are too busy being smug about the absolute slaughter of their 'rival' clan" the venom in Shikaku's voice dripped off the quotation marks, like serpents fangs, "the Aburame clan  _may_ listen, but are ultimately won't take action until they have definite proof either way. The Hokage is part of the Sarutobi clan, so they'll be reluctant to question him, let alone accuse him of lying. The Inuzuka  _may_ be willing to listen and then take action, but they could easily follow the Aburame path and wait for more evidence. Sasuke is to young to take on most of the clan head duties, and of course it  _traumatized beyond all reason_ , so he isn't in a good place to question what happened. The Senju are effectively dead, the only known clan member fucking off to who knows where - and Kakashi is basically a giant ball of self-destruction, loathing and trauma. So we have, out of the  **main** clan heads, three -  _possibly_ five with the distinct impression that two of those five may require more evidence. Which we don't exactly have; the only reason either of you are even listening to me is because I basically steamrolled over you and dropped the Nara clan's thoughts in your lap."

Shikaku sighs, tips his head back and throws back another dish of sake; sending another frisson of unease through Inoichi and Chōza. Shikaku  _savors_ his alcohol, he does not  _just throw back sake_. This entire conversation is distressing to each and every one of the clan heads' senses -  _earnest_ Nara just shredding the accepted story of the Uchiha massacre while effectively  _chugging alcohol_ is  **not** conducive to relaxed, calm minds. It's also not conducive to fun, drunken venting, which is another perfectly respectable reason for shinobi to drink. Basically, Shikaku has ruined this entire night and now  Chōza and Inoichi will have to bear the consequences; they're going to start acting even more paranoid, carefully dissecting every order and claim which comes out of the Hokage's office. They're going to have to share this kind of news with the rest of their clans, talk to their kids; it's going to be a nightmare!

Damn Nara's and their cursed, drunken,  _earnestness._


End file.
